Day 40 - May 04 2013, came and went with me attending the local food festival in our small town here, I frustratingly imposed my will on my husband and close friend to taste everything that was out so that I may vicariously participate. I started smelling things and the sensation of this was so intense that to taste the food would have been of no consequence, so I went on a snorting rampage to round out the day.
Day 26 saw a major relationship crisis of which I am still reeling, without the composure and clarity that comes during a 40 day fast, I in no way doubt that I would be a screaming basket case of a wife well before now. The fast became my life boat in an unforgiving ocean of emotions, my karma was being thrust at me, hard and fast and I was wishing I had made the conscious decision to be isolated in order to explore my inner terrain and clear the emotional dross through quiet reflection instead of the cruel reality of what had become my everyday existence. It was what it was and couldn't be considered everyday while I was in the state of such deprivation as a significant aspect of my personality as my connection and interaction with food.
It would not be fair at this point not to add that with a dry spell in my casual employment and subsequent funds not being as readily available, this became an impetus for continuing the fast as it was not my original intention to do the BIG ONE, I simply pushed on. It took me around 2 weeks to get my head straight to start, then I assessed my ability to endure as I went along. I suspect I saved around $1000.00 over the fasting period and so it became my own type of protest to the circumstances I found myself in, this then became a subplot in the drama that played itself out in the ensuing weeks.
I am now on day 12 of the after fast period and it has been as spinny as being on the fast, going through the emotions of hating food and it being easier to be on water, the reactions the body manifested because I was perhaps finding a way to harm myself or medicate my way through the damage my marriage has sustained. I had to find the discipline now required to ease my body back to full function, I was eating too much, had hot flushes, very low energy and felt like the little engine that could being overwhelmed and needing to will myself and focus so much on just this one thing in order to get through it and out the other side.
I am so proud I can say I did 40 days and 40 nights without food and it was so worth it, I still have some physical symptoms that did not get attended to and I attribute this to the immense toll it took to be in an emotional minefield questioning everything I stand for, what I can endure without wanting to hang myself from something or drive into a tree, so it was still the massive experience that I expected it to be just not what I expected, it was such a big reflection of me and my whole life so it was perfect.
My body is morphing into its new form and I can see changes everyday, my skin is clearer, my bowel function has markedly improved, hair and nails are stronger which is always a good sign and so much else must have also happened that I will not be aware of but that's why I did it.
Till the next adventure then........
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