Its been a while since I've been inspired to write but a Facebook post has prompted me to jot down about the weeks just past.
Three weeks ago today I witnessed an alarming pain in my chest, "Oh No", Doctor?, "What's that about?" I was perplexed as to how to play this out. I chose to continue to monitor the pain, wanting to accept it as healing crisis or believe it was close enough to an old injury site to think it was to do with my double shoulder surgeries on my left shoulder or the 2 broken ribs I had suffered in a motorcycle accident decades ago. It was intense enough to hurt when I took breath, all too familiar, I won't forget that broken ribs had me wanting to stop breathing so it would not hurt. Knowing or believing that pain is a blockage, I have been pretty blocked and if I apply the injury site theory to my heart even metaphorically it has taken a bashing. I am also receiving distant healing from Brazilian healer John of God and I came across a video of a woman explaining the expansion of the heart to the point of pain and feeling it wanting to burst right out of her chest, I can certainly relate to this.
Pain has been a constant in my life, my benchmark was "In it" more than not. I identified with it so much and my threshold for it became a crutch. I did feel indestructible as a result. In my thirty some-things I did some regressive work to resolve my birth trauma, was not the original intention but hardly anything I think I am doing ever is it seems. So mum and I had a chat about my birth and she described the pain and the anguish juxtaposed with the love and connection she had for me but disengaged and wanted so much to abandon the process because it hurt so much, BOOM it hit me - Ah HAH! Mum explained she just wanted to sleep, how she felt safe when she went to sleep and the pain went away. This felt like such an awakening to an underlying theme or sub plot in my movie. Gary Renard explains the DVD is already filmed, we are merely watching it, there are alternative endings though which we get access to when we forgive, forgiveness processes the discordant frequency that is disabling us.
Back on the road to Oz and the speed bumps along the way, I am in wonder at the twists and turns my ego would have me make, I have decided to slow down and go over the bumps gently as suggested by Gail Thackray, (medium, healer and John of God guide) not fearful of their existence therefore blocking my way, not not gung-ho bashing over them and feeling the jolt right through me. Eckhardt Tolle says "if you feel like you are dying, then die, surrender into the current moment." I extended this thought to my relationship which feels like watching an old person in a nursing home 'not living' so why prolong a mere existence or delay death? Resurrection only happens after death, so I will try to let go. In the end the characters had what they set off to find, denying their true strength hidden behind an apparent weakness, searching outside themselves. Kirby De Lanerolle from WOW Life (Breatharian and Prophet) points out Jesus says "everything comes from within a man" or something like that shows me that my movie is mine, skilfully directed and produced for the sole purpose of my evolution and growth.
In my efforts to demystify my recent emotional states, I was not getting answers that I expected, wherever I looked it was the same message - just the movie playing, sit back and enjoy. I even Googled "stop the ride, I want to get off", The more upset, frustrated and annoyed I was the simpler the statement was, it was all about letting go, dropping the expectation and judgement but it reminded me of trying to lose weight and being told "eat less, exercise more!", "Simple, but not easy" (quoting Gary Renard again) have positive thoughts, come from love, we create with our thoughts blah blah. I also found a Byron Katie vid on Youtube which challenged me to find the joy/blessing/lesson in some of the worst scenarios I find myself in and ask questions so I have started asking, "where's the joy/blessing/lesson?" hunting for it, knowing its right there for me, it has been quite revealing - today I am calm!! a shadow of the pain is apparent but the presence of the healing entities at work is too.
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